I used to hear others say that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It’s actually a pretty self explanatory statement, but the phrase continues to have different meanings for me, as I mature & experience different things in life.
I believe there is a reason for every situation & every person you meet. It is those reasons that determines if things will develop into a season or lifetime. Every reason is not necessarily a bad one. Often times, it can be very positive. However, in certain cases, as in domestic violence, you really have to search for the up side for what is considered to be a hurtful ordeal on so many levels. I offer my experience as a survivor as an example.
What was the reason for the abuse? There were several. Drugs, alcohol & lack of anger management skills are among the list. I am not referring to myself with these things. I’m referring to my abusers. The truth of the matter is, I allowed these things to be entered into my life. They became part of my home environment. I do not smoke or drink & have never tried using a drug of any type. My reason for not engaging in any of those things has to do with my choice to do all I can to maintain a healthy mind, body & spirit. I’ve seen enough people in my life become consumed by all of the those things. Out of fear that I, too, may become consumed, I found it better to just steer clear of it altogether. But, I didn’t have enough self esteem or self worth to insist that I wait until I met a person who shared my same values. So, when problems arose, you’ve got two people attempting to work through it that have combined issues of drugs, alcohol, anger issues, low self esteem and virtually no self worth. It was a very unhealthy, unstable lifestyle that brought about several seasons of misery and despair that will last me a lifetime of unpleasant memories, as you never fully recover from domestic violence or sexual assault.
What’s great about seasons & lifetimes is the ability to make adjustments to continue or end it. I remember quite clearly when I knew my seasons had ended with certain people. It was very liberating for me, feeling as though I had gained a true sense of empowerment & accomplishment. What was hurtful was my relationships ending in failure, not the need to end them, because they needed to be brought to closure.
As we grow & mature, we should always reflect on our lifetime experiences and look at the various seasons in our lives, where we were, where we are and where we’re going. Because I’ve spent a lot more time evaluating my reasons & seasons, my lifetime thought processes are not filled with anger or resentment. I can sleep better at night. I hardly ever have a nightmare and I don’t think about the abusers anymore. The reasons, seasons & lifetime circle continues, but with new vision. My reasons created seasons that I will spend my lifetime sharing with others in the hope that my experiences & survival will encourage a more positive reasoning process.