So many times, victims of domestic violence will ask themselves and/or others, “Why can’t I move on”? “Why can’t I just get over it”? The simple truth of the matter is that it’s just not that simple. With domestic violence comes so many other hurts and traumas. You play the blame game. You second guess every decision. You think of the what ifs and would’ve, could’ve should’ve scenarios. You have well meaning friends and family that either tell you or imply the ‘I told you so’ about your choices. And, let’s face it. There was at least one something about the perpetrator that you liked, even loved. Maybe you still do. And, you know what? It’s ok. It just means that you have feelings and you’re being honest about those feelings. Just as there is a process with falling in love, there is a process with falling out of it. There are a lot of reasons as to why you feel like you can’t move on, but it is important to remember that you can and you will. However, it takes time.
Ok, so exactly HOW MUCH time is this going to take? A day? A week? Two weeks? Two years? Try never. Traumatic experiences are like dealing with death or the loss of something extremely valuable or important to you. You will learn to accept what happened to you and live your life again. But, it will always be with you. Does that mean that you cannot live a happy, healthy life? Absolutely not. What it does mean is that your experiences can help you to develop more character, confidence, strength and endurance. It helps you to keep your guard up just a little bit more. Too often, our life experiences are viewed as these devastating events that taint us and should leave us scarred for life, unable to function and in essence turn us into some sort of emotional basket case. With counseling, acceptance, reading, journaling and a willingness to trust (slowly), you will find yourself slowly working through it all. Of course, there are other things that you can and should do, and each person’s journey is different. However, these are a few things that have been consistently mentioned as helpful tools to you transition from victim to victorious.